matrix11001 Reviews

Black Mirror: Joan Is Awful (2023) Season 6, Episode 1

Best to go in and watch it knowing nothing! - very dark and their best episode yet.

[15 June 2023]

If you haven't watched Black mirror you really need to their latest episode they've absolutely excelled themselves. But watch from the start if you haven't because each episode is a gem. If you want to see the way the world is going - this is a must watch! But be warned you'll be put off technology, AI Internet and streaming after watching this! You'll never look at Selma Hyack the same way again - she's not the star of the show but she so is. I can't recommend this series or the first episode of season 6 more highly as they really have out done themselves whilst poking fun at themselves, Netflix and the entertainment industry. I've never felt compelled to write a review about a single episode but this is an exception and goes to prove how such a great and imaginative the team behind Black Mirror are. 10/10 for this episode alone which is pretty freaky which no doubt is exactly what they were going for.

It pretty much starts off almost like a drama, but within the first ten minutes as Black Mirror does it best - all bets are off and then the gut punch, which could happen in the real world to anyone!

The shocking thing is we are now more or less one step away from this exact scenario, and no doubt there are companies that would take advantage of this new and uncontrolled technology for their profit - if not no doubt we will have a Streamberry streaming company unethical enough to pull this off and no doubt it will happen sooner rather than later which makes it more scary as this is becoming closer and closer to becoming reality every single day, and we're only one step away from being able pull off what happened to the innocent woman in this episode.

Beware the Children (2018)

Beware of the terrible movie

[3/10 · 24 February 2023]

What can I say?

Not the worst film I've seen but definitely not that good either.

The accruing is atrocious, the script comes across as a really bad film school reject movie. A lot of the dialogue seems forced and fake - hard to believe some people even speak like that. Acting was pretty much wooden across the board.

The premise seemed stupid, especially how the kids were manipulated into killing their patients.

Some of the injury detail is good which is why I scored it a three. Otherwise it would be a one. I don't know how it's got such a high rating. At the time of writing this review it's 4.8/10. Considering the standard of this movie its a strain on average movies for for this one to have a rating compared to a good average movie.

The cops were absolutely incompetent. Even though one of the kids came home the police officer who came to check in on him didn't even see our question him. Presumably his friends killed their parents for reasons unknown so the least that would happen would he'd be taken in for observation considering the risk to his other family members.

I would recommend you don't waste your time watching this.

Possessed (2022)

Generic zombie movie

[3/10 · 17 February 2023]

It has an interesting start and some characters you can actually like but it seems to drop off once they get to the camp.

It had potential but it turns into a generic and stereotypical zombie movie where they do everything wrong and put others at risk.

I've seen stupidity in films like this, but this takes it to another level. This is especially after they already discussed a local possessed village. They put themselves and others at risk. There's supposed to be 27 infected in this movie but you barely see more than 10 people - what happened to the rest and why aren't they brought into movie earlier. They mostly just get a passing mention other than the core group.

The zombies are good and well created but the humans leave less to be desired.

Instead of calling the authorities he calls his sister who returns to the camp with her friend and puts them both at risk.

If you can suspend belief that it will a movie with people making smart decisions then you may enjoy this, but there are a lot of similar movies like this which do it much better.

I find the religious undertones of the movie quite forced and frequent. I'm fine with sky religion being part of a movie but at times its a bit overpowering, especially when not relevant to that scene or situation. It seemed at times forced and inappropriate. I may not be used to this type context within a movie and I'm not being disrespectful but it seemed forced at times.

It's not bad but it could have been so much better - reasonable effort but left a lot to be desired. The ending was quite abrupt with no real resolution or meaningful ending.

Simon Bird: Debrief (2021 TV Special)

Rather get my teeth pulled then listen to this debrief

[1/10 · 3 February 2023]

Managed about 20 minutes before I had to switch this off. So I can really say is off your looking to get depressed or put yourself to sleep watch this. He probably did this stand up just weeks before the Comedy clubs opened after the pandemic do he wouldn't have to watch people walk out.

He's having a go at observational comedy, but it really doesn't work for him - he's not the most likeable comedian (loosely used) and his brand of observational comedy comes across as off-putting, tone deaf and flat. There is no really effort to connect or humour with the audience who will watch this.

Definitely a fail on his part. At least in the comedy TV series he is in someone else makes sure he at least comes across as a joke and someone to laugh with/at but this really doesn't show off his skills: stand up is definitely not one of them. His other shows where other people wrote his material comes across better.

This stand up does just makes him sound bitter. I can't work out if he's trying to be sarcastic at times or if he's being serious.

The delivery of the entire routine without any real kind of passion, change of tone or any real attempt at humour makes this for a very long 45 minutes.

He either needs to have an audience which will feedback to him how he's coming across (doing his first stand up in an empty theatre comes across as a total cop out so he doesn't face an audience (if anyone did turn up) who will give him cues on how his material hits or inject some kind of passion or change of emotion into his routine.

He slams better and more experienced comedians for adjusting their routine with the feedback of the audience, which is how you grow as a comedian, connect with your audience and entertain them. If a joke doesn't work they'll make it better or drop it. I don't think he understands how much work and effort really goes into stand up, creating material which connects with the audience based on audience participation and feedback. He comes across as only wanting to voice his opinion without any real preparation or interest in entertaining an audience who probably won't pay to see him after watching this.

Bats (2021)

Barely a bat in it

[1/10 · 27 June 2021]

Where to start? I would like to say there was one positive thing to say about this film but there really isn't. None of the film makes any sense and isn't helped at all with the atrocious acting. The start of it was ridiculous and had the one decent person in the whole film who had any likeability or could act a bit. From the end of that first scene it runs at a snails pace and doesn't improve at all. The creature looks ridiculous and doesn't act like the predator were supposed to believe it is. Also bats have good ears so with all the shouting i I don't know why it left them alone. They basically do everything that would get them attacked. No real suspense or thrill to it at all. The other bats films are so bad they're good, but this is so bad all round. They're supposed to be a family but they could just be a bunch of strangers or acquaintances. No one to root for and you basically want them all to die horrendous deaths just so the film can end. Don't waste your time with this. The earlier bats films are so much better. The ending is cliché and so laughable how she kills the creature of which there seems to be only one is such poor writing. I was hoping for a bit of redemption but there was none - give this film a wide birth and ank me later.

I Am Vengeance: Retaliation (2020)

Seriously?

[2/10 · 7 November 2020]

Without ruining the story but I have no idea what I watched. Another poor Vinnie Jones outing (must have been one of those I did it for the money jobs). Vinnie Jones's character Teague (a traitor to his team and country) is quite unbelievable and unintimidating considering the big up speech they have him at the start.

The dialogue is laughable and a poor effort, lots of one liners but no substance. The fight scenes unimaginative and uninspiring. Supposedly supposed to be a great black ops team but you wouldn't think so from the quality of their attacks and getting beaten so easily (looks like the best rep is not deserved). Also you can see people taking a hit when a kick out punch is still a distance away - at least with wrestling you expect a fake pantomime coreographed fight but this is seriously poor action film making at its worst. All smart dialogue and no substance.

Overall very predictable story and poor acting from pretty much Z listers.

If they spent more time writing a decent script and less time coming up with stupid quips and time wasting dialogue this could have been much better. Two out of ten is generous - it would have been 1/10 if I haven't seen worse before. Also why all the pausing when attacking someone - coming up with a corny one liner seems more important.

I wouldn't waste your time watching this when there are plenty of decent action movies out there. I'll update my review if it imprints but so far - half way in I am unimpressed and close to switching off.

The Farm (I) (2018)

Close this farm down

[1/10 · 3 October 2020]

To call this a horror or thriller is an insult to any half decent horror or thriller.

Completely predictable trash. It's not even so bad is good. From the incredibly poor decisions they themselves question the hostility and threat of every person they encounter, yet they still stay at a hostel which supposedly had many people staying there yet no one else is seen. That in itself is suspicious to the unlocked cages, stables, lock less cages they could easily escape from and of course in their escape do everything you shouldn't do to get caught.

This film is played for gore - in the hands of the right director this could have been good, mostly its played for jump scares which doesn't even work.

Also how the farm hasn't been discovered by authorities outside of the area - I'm sure people would report people missing and that would get investigated as it's a long running people farm so I'm sure the police would look into so many people disappearing.

The premise was good but the execution was terrible.

It really isn't worth watching to the end as if anything you get so frustrated with the stupidity of the couple and the directors blatant attempt to make it look harder to escape when it would be easy.

Is just a film to make you jump and show a lot of blood and gory effects.

I like find that are so bad it's good like sharknado. You can't really route for anyone, even the ones who have been there for years (someone would have found them by now or at least reported their missing). We're expected to pretend poor judgement is how they ended up there, but the sheer amount of signs no one in their right mind would stop there, especially if a the guy said at the beginning he didn't want to stop and keep driving. We're expected to ignore he said this 5 mins before they stop and stay at a suspiciously empty motel who no one in their right mind would stay.

I'm sure you'd look at the room your staying in or check out the beds (one of which has a big patch of blood on top). As for the guy hiding under the bed in sure they would have spotted that before bed as someone would have to sneak in and hide under the bed whilst they were still awake and waking round the room.

Very implausible and unsatisfactory. It's unfathomable a company agreed to waste money distributing this poor excuse for a film.

Directors who make deliberately make such poor standards of films like this when they could easily make it seem realistic or like they even want to escape without being caught is asking to be put out into the pasture or refused funding for any further projects if this is the best the can come up with.

I watched to the end to as if it improved - it didn't.

One for the bin - thankfully I streamed this - there would be no way I'd sell this film second hand and put someone else through this rubbish.

You practically want them dead shortly after the start of the film as they clearly wanted to be caught and killed with their sheer ignorance even though they're aware of how much danger their putting themselves in and was no surprise.

As for the religious undertone of the final scene - pointless, shocking and serious wtf! I'm sure they would have got away easy if they didn't make such blatant efforts to get caught. Its no surprise the ending.

It absolutely glorifies demeaning and degrading women with no real point or reason behind it. Even the most inept and incompetent police would have uncovered this farm by now. Your expected to believe that with probably thousands of people disappearing over several decades in the same area that the federal authorities wouldn't have found this place - it offends the IQ of the viewer - i can't imagine any distribution company actually wanting to have this film on this books.

Hostel does it better and with less.

Really just don't waste your time with this - I seriously hope I never see one of this directors films again if he thought it was good enough to release with such poor story telling.

It Takes Two (1995)

One too many

[5/10 · 17 July 2020]

Overall it's an okay film, but just that - okay.

It tried hard to be another The Parent Trap, bit often falls flat and is very predictable. The Olsen twins are okay in this, but what they Lindsay Lohan did far batter in the remake of the Parent Trap.

Steve Guttenburg and Kirsty Alley are likeable leads you want to get together in the end. His future wife just comes across as completely unlikable.

It doesn't feel like it flows very well as a movie and rushes along, where it needs to have more character development and create attachment/root for the characters.

Of the two children one is quite nice and the other not that likable and often is quite rude - it's almost quite hard to root for her, even though she's trying to get the two leads together rather than with the nasty fiance who he is due to marry!

Overall this film could have better if they paced it better, made it a bit more realistic, not rush the scenes that build up the relationships (you don't really get to spend any time with anyone to get to know them before they move onto the next scene) and overall try to hard to be an identical The Parent Trap.

The big reveal when the poor child reveals she's not the child is just so boring and dispassionate - especially considering she's just revealed she's an identical stranger to the butler (who was the first to know in most of the other films of this type).

It Takes Two tried to be The Parent Trap (without the two parents) but The Parent Trap does it better and with more warmth and better pacing than this wannabe!

Paradise Hills (2019)

Not all places are the Paradise it appears to be

[6/10 · 4 April 2020]

I think unless your interested in Indie style films that are slow burners this film isn't for you.

From the start almost until the last half hour it's quite a slow film, it confuses you at every point. I quite enjoyed the film, but the pay off I don't think was really worth it and it could have been made so much better.

Both Emma Roberts and Mila Joviovich both acted well in both their roles, but was ultimately wasted. The twist at the end for Mila's character seems highly implausible and unrealistic - they could have developed her character a better way than the way they went.

I found it worth watching, but wouldn't watch it again - the visuals were fantastic, it's reasonably sinister in it's presentation and is quite a good version of a dystopian future. But, it just becomes unbelievable and kind of ruins at at the end with the supposed big reveal.

It's still worth a watch as you can root for Emma's character and the friends she shares a room with.

Tread with caution if you watch this film as it really is quite a hard film to get into and enjoy, but for those like me who enjoy Indie style films will enjoy it and watch it to the end. Most people I can imagine will switch it off after 20 mins/half an hour because it still is a bit haphazard. It tries to almost be a psychological thriller or insight but fails on both counts.

Even if you watch it just once - go for it. I found it enjoyable and glad I watched it but the silly twist with Mila's character kind of ruined it for me.

Permission (I) (2017)

Dull and depressing

[4/10 · 6 July 2019]

Movie about a relationship between two first lovers.

On a night out with two of their gay friends it comes out they've only ever slept with each other. One of the gay men puts them down for this and says they should sleep with other people.

The film basically revolves around the fallout of this conversation. Will (main character) was going to propose and they were both happy with their lives and sex life together. This doesn't happen after the foible in their relationship is outed.

They talk about their relationship with each other and then convince themselves they need to sleep with other people.

You see them go through all the highs and lows of this until it reaches it's inevitable conclusion (won't say what this is - spoilers).

If anything this film is a warning to people to not get involved with other peoples relationships - especially if they are happy as they are!

Care (2018 TV Movie)

Shocking but good viewing

[8/10 · 11 December 2018]

This is a film about a woman who has a stroke whilst driving with her grandchildren in the car and the after effects of her sudden illness and subsequent treatment/care afterwards.

The lady in question has a close nit family, was in good health, fully independent when all of a sudden she has a stoke and her life changes drastically in that moment.

Suddenly she can't communicate, becomes aggressive and hard to manage. This is in drastic contrast to what she was before the stroke.

This film is about how her two children react to their mum's diagnosis, in the case of Sheridan Smith's character trying to take her mum's care on at home (both before she the home was ready and after), as well as her mum's experiences in the hospital (not much was shown and could have showed more) as well as temporary care, the challenges her and the care homes face. Small spoiler - when her mum goes missing from the care home we do have one of the carers trying to explain why it happened (basically short staffed homes, not enough people to care for high dependency patients and the other challenges care homes face - I would have liked to have seen more on this as well as the fall out from her mother being able to walk out within hours of arriving at the home).

Overall (with having personal experience in this field (care) I find it fairly accurate. Quite sad really to see how it affects not just the lady in question, but the family and going through the process with them to get the standard and quality of care their mum desperately needs. It shows how much at times how much it takes to fight to get the care needed, having to go through the system to get funding for care, etc.

It's hard to work out the timeline for when it all occurs and how long it takes to action the package of care, length of time spent in hospital and the appeal time. This would have been useful to highlight - which would give people better understanding of the process. That is my only criticism - there should have been on screen notifications such as two weeks later... and so forth to give people idea of the passage of time, whereas it seems a continuous process whereas in the real world things take time to action.

It also would have been interesting for them to have used a first person view of what it is like for her mum - see the world from from her point of view - or in the very least have a stroke survivor create a small video explaining how things changed for them to try to understand how it affects them directly.

Overall a good and solid performance from most of the characters (the children's father's side story took away a bit from the main story line and was unnecessary).

Watching it in one go from start to finish you get to see the frustrations, not just from their mother but from the changes her conditions bring and the extra pressures on her extended family now have as a result of her stroke. It's quite sad to see how much a previously independent woman changes so much for the worse after a stroke and how it affects her, as well as the frustrations of having to deal with an underfunded and understaffed NHS/care home,to dealing with the mental health changes of someone who has had a stroke. The way the story was filmed you feel part of the journey from before the stroke to when she finally gets a home she needs.

Highly recommended series with great acting.

The Split (2018–2022)

From 6 to 4

[4/10 · 1 June 2018]

I like Nicola Walker and have found her to usually be an excellent actress: it's a shame she was given such poor material to work with here. I expected this to be of a more legal drama with some proper court scenes (you get one in Episode 6).

Most of the characters are unlikable and you can't really sympathise with any of them, from the overbearing and controlling matriarch of the family to the three daughters and their partners.

The conflict with the mother/daughters and their father who suddenly appears out of the blue is

There was a real opportunity to show female lawyers at their best and keeping up with their male equivalents. The drama outside of work was more of the focus. It's quite hard to hold your interest from episode to episode - so much was going on it was hard to keep track of it at times, either that or the situations are so blown up it's off-putting.

Antony Stewart Head - usually a great actor, but again given poor material to work with and couldn't show a great deal of enthusiasm for it.

Nicolas character leaves the family law business and for the most part seems quite ostracised for wanting to progress further in her career or make a positive change (the real reason she left is given in the last episode of season 1).

The bed hopping and inappropriate behaviour doesn't seem to be for their clients.

I'm with the other reviewer - there is far too many cliches in the series and the characters aren't allowed to grow. It's a shame that for the most part their behaviour makes them quite unlikable and at times quite patronising.

Overall the series was far to predictable from guessing who messes up, the secrets that are revealed and how it all turns round in the end.

The only real surprise was the death in episode 6, which was misplaced and served no real purpose. There was no time spent on the fall out.

The twist at the end (in the relationships of one of the sisters) was ridiculous, ill thought out, predictable and incredulous.

I can only hope that the next series brings more to the table and brings a much better expansion to the female lawyers and family members this series was supposed to be about.

Most of the episodes seemed a bit haphazard, predictable and made no sense on the larger scheme of the series.

There have been similar dramas, but done so much better. It doesn't seem very relate-able at all for the most part. The tension when their estranged father they hadn't seen in many years initially was accurate and realistic, but the turn around and development of the reconnection with his daughters when he starts to see his now grown up children just feels quite conceited, disconnected and not well thought out.

I can't imagine what a second season will bring to the table if there isn't a radical shift and improvement of the script.

Getting On (2009–2012)

Disappointing

[4/10 · 13 July 2017]

This series stars Jo Brand (a former psychiatric nurse) working on an elderly care ward.

I used to work on a great number of hospital wards and have to say this series is so unrealistic and unprofessional I'm surprised most of the people there haven't been fired already. I find it hard to believe some people find this the funniest thing in 2010. Jo Brand does serve well as a general dogsbody and does have some humour to an extent. However it's hard to look past the incompetency of the staff, inappropriate language/relationships and general lack of training/knowledge that in most circumstances is very basic. The doctors are absolutely clueless, without humour and unlike any doctor I have come across. I find it hard to believe there is only 2 staff to look after so many dependant patients. Ward management is inappropriate, ineffective and wholly incompetent. Another series with a less serious tone could play this for a laugh, but nothing seems to hit any level of humour even though it's marketed as a comedy. The ward environment and type of patients is accurate. As a hospital ward it is not very believable. It comes across as very much so a poor man's Green Wing, which does what this series wants to accomplish but so much better and with more realistic scenarios and staff.

It was a pleasant surprise to see Peter Capaldi in the series - he seemed the most competent in the room whenever he was on screen.

There is very little humour to the series, just shows the incompetency rather than the terrific doctors and nurses the NHS really has who are trained to a high degree.

I am concerned there are no Health Care Assistants who would definitely be present on a ward of this type.

I's suggest avoiding this series and watching Green Wing which is far superior to this bland series.

This is not what wards are like - where are the cleaners, junior doctors and other consultant's team? All AWOL